Why hide the mould?
Since going online, I’ve posted pictures of sunsets and mountains and smiling faces. This is my first mouldy bread picture. It’s what met me when I opened my bread bin after our holiday.
Why do we just showcase the good stuff?
Is it impression management? I want you to think well of me.
Might you axe me from your life if I show you my mould?
Sometimes I simply want to share the good stuff with my friends. I reckon you’d prefer a sunset to that scary scientific experiment in my kitchen.
The danger is that we end up inauthentic. Is it lying that the Facebook picture of my recent trip to Northern Ireland showed clear blue skies? No. But if you booked a trip on the basis of that, you might be disappointed - it was the only sunny day that week.
It's potentially dangerous. A study by Bath and York St.John Universities last year of 40,000 people across the UK and North America found that the obsession with seeming perfect “to secure approval” has risen by more 30 per cent among young people over the last 30 years. As a result, mental health problems have spiralled.
I find writing this blog entails treading a fine line between being authentic and choosing hope. Often I write after wrestling, when God has met me. But I don’t want to be misleading about the battle.
So in the interests of honesty, there are mouldy bits. I am meaner than I want to be, less trusting, prouder and more self-centred. Some days, my smile is real but at times, I choose to smile because I don’t want to share my ragged soul with everyone. Sometimes I can truly say “I’m fine!” but there are still nights when I sob in my dreams and wake up crying.
I think I’d split apart if I didn’t have places that I could share the tough stuff. When I do, I find that everyone is fighting their own battles and we do better together. We cannot win alone.
God knows it all anyhow. Why hide it from him, who forgives our sins and binds up broken hearts? He isn’t scared when we cry or even shout. He never rejects us when we turn to him. Don’t let’s fall for the vicious lie that we need to patch ourselves up before coming to him, that we need a way to The Way, to be healed before meeting the Healer, saved before coming to the Saviour.
In the wonderful words of David Crowder’s song –
Come out of sadness
From wherever you've been
Come broken hearted
Let rescue begin
Come find your mercy
Oh sinner come kneel
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can't heal….
Lay down your heart
Come as you are
There's hope for the hopeless
And all those who've strayed
Come sit at the table
Come taste the grace
There's rest for the weary
Rest that endures
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can't cure
So lay down your burdens
Lay down your shame
All who are broken
Lift up your face
Oh wanderer come home
You're not too far
Lay down your hurt, lay down your heart
Come as you are